Prayer to the God that is in substitution of the gods that be.

Dear ____(insert personal illusory name of God here)____,
You have brought me home. At my weakest point, when nothing exists- by not answering my phone, I am alone, and I learn that people will never seek you out to save you, as You have. By not doing anything I should be doing, or nothing at all for that matter, you teach me that unproductivity leads to misery and stagnation, but also that I am still breathing, though devoid of all functionality. When sleep deprivation removes all sense of time and space, you teach me that my reality is mutable, whereas Yours is not. Through guilt, anxiety, depression, joy, childlike wonder, and the entire spectrum, I am led by the hand by a drive unseen merely to exist and be validated.
I want to take pride in my work, and do it well; I want to be a positive force in the lives of others, impervious to adversity and needing no support other than You; I want to be stress-free and relaxed, taking advantage of the near-perfect life that I could feasibly have by just not screwing anything up. I want the ability to focus. I want to appreciate things for the inherent value therein, rather than continually seek stimulation... Inward growth, thank you very much.

Above all, I am insane. And I sure hope Your eye is on the fucking sparrow, or else I'm a goner.

Teach me to love, teach me patience, teach me to follow and to lead, teach me inner peace. Teach me Jesus and Buddha and Gandhi and, for the hell of it, Al Sharpton. just kidding.

Reality is overrated.

Sleep Deprivation

I'm borderline hallucinating, and I'm scared.