I wish that who i created you as, in my mind and my heart, matched up with who you were in reality. Sometimes you say things, feel things, do things which give me hope and give me a feeling inside, a feeling like waking up on a weekday, only to find that the road is blanketed in a beautiful white, and that school is canceled. That is how you make my heart behave, but every time its leaps become a little harder, more deliberated. Soon, I fear, it will be too late, and then we can only say "well, what is lost is lost", though we really wish it didn't have to be so. It doesn't. I want to tell you that you are full of shit, and probably you wish to say the same towards me, but we both realize that such an accusation just doesn't quite work, because there seems to be so much more behind the curtain, so much more than we can, or like to, see.
Though I would, I cannot wait forever for you to finally push off of the shore of false security into the wonders of the deep blue ocean. I can describe it to you, I can do my best you lead you there, but I cannot make you, and I will not even attempt to. You must decide whether you let yourself be held up by hollow pillars which grow weaker every day, because we both know you wish to see all the colors of life. I don't care what our label is, or what our relationship constitutes or how it is defined. I only wish that you are part of my life in some way, just as what I thought you were has become a part of me.
I will be here, waiting, though I cannot say how long. Whatever you choose, I only wish your happiness.
Because what I want after all is not this idea... i just want you, and all who you are and don't wish to be.
This was a lot of poor writing, and I'll probably be led to delete it soon. Maybe by then it won't have any meaning.
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2 comments:
alex, I know you're your own worst critic, but i do enjoy reading your writings. You should see mine; things that are completely incoherent and make absolutely no sense to the audience who chooses to read it. I dont do it often, only when im upset or in a desired mood to just type and look at lit later to see what makes sense.
Keep posting, cause Im always reading ;]
lauren
this isn't poor writing. this is better than half the polished things you put on here. from what i can tell, this is you. this is what you feel. it's not a cryptic poem or an attempt to wow the reader with words only you know. who cares if you have grammatical errors and you didn't word things exactly the right way? keep writing what you feel, that's damn good writing.
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